'I'm not innocent.
But, my evils do have good intentions.'
I learned in psychology class that red makes time appear to go by slower. It makes us highly aware of our environment, thus time seems to slow down because we start paying more attention to the little things around us. So when I learned you had to leave in a month, I started wearing red. I wore red dresses and bought you red shirts and kissed you with lips the color of strawberries. I told you it was my favorite color. You bought me red flowers which were accepted by hands with red nails and I tried to make jokes as much as possible, because I liked the shade your face turned when you laughed too hard.
In my sick, twisted, romance ridden mind, I swore this had some sort of effect on us. I knew our time was limited, so I did whatever I could to give us just a few more seconds together.
One thing they didn’t teach us in psychology, was what color made time go by faster. So when you left, I painted my walls blue and wore blue skirts and thought that maybe if I had blue curtains, everything would hurt a little less, but the time while you were gone didn’t go by any quicker. So I bought a yellow rug, and picked daffodils for my kitchen table, and thought that maybe if I wore yellow scarves, I wouldn’t feel like I was choking every time I heard your name, but the time while you were gone didn’t go by any quicker. So, finally, I picked up a pair of green sunglasses, and gloves the color of clover, and I bought seeds and shovels and flower pots because somehow, I had convinced myself that when spring came, I would absorb myself into gardening and that somehow plants would make me feel more full. But spring came and went and the time while you were gone didn’t go by any quicker.
It has taken me almost half a year, but I think I’ve finally realized that I can’t just rely on one color. I need all of them. I need the blue of your eyes and the raspberry shade of your lips. I need the white of your teeth and the charcoal of your hair. I need the color you get when you spend too much time in the sun and the shade you turn when you get slightly seasick.
I need you here because no matter what I do, my world has lost all color without you."
Please Come Back. I Am Sick of Black and White.
I’m having so many mixed emotions about this move.
It’s a huge change and I’m excited. But I’m constantly worrying about things. I’m worried about my jeep payment. Worried about my travel funds. I want these next 3 days to go by extremely fast because the wait and anticipation is stressing me out to the max. My chest hurts. My head hurts. My breasts constantly ache. Random little pains come and go in different parts of my body. And, lets not forget anxiety, as the cherry on top. It’s honestly beginning to worry me more than it should and that’s the anxiety talking. I wish I had more control over myself and emotions. It’s so hard to relax when you think something is seriously wrong.
you deserve someone who isn’t embarrassed to love you and tells all their friends about you and saves your selfies, whether they’re good or bad to look at when they miss you and loses sleep to talk to you and tells you how much they love you and how beautiful you are all the time and i really hope you find that one day because you deserve to be loved
It’s hard for me now.
I’m fine, but I’m really not fine at all.
When I move, I’ll have new things to think about. New friends. A new home. New events, that you won’t be apart of, but.. you wish you were.
I miss you now. And soon, you’ll be a memory that I only visit when I think of everything that I don’t want.